I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize