now i know why i became what i already was.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
