It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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