hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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