i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have already put on my inside pants.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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