your parents love me but you hate me
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
