I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
