is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
