I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Rumble strips road head = magical
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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