I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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