you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Panties = found
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
