I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Semen is not good for contacts.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
