It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
