there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
