Don't you send me to vm
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
