It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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