Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
