If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
