my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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