So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
