and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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