Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
