I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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