Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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