I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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