I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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