My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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