You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
