Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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