I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
