Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
