So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
