I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
