she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am available for nakedness
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
