You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
