we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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