my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
