i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
