More tranny stories later!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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