I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
