just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
