If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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