She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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