I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
