well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
