Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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