Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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