my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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