We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
