yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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