My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
